What is the answer to an adult male child who is verbally and emotionally abusive to his senior mother who now finds himself powerful enough to steal from her a lot of money and the final straw which broke the camel's back and after years of the other abuse finally physically harmed his mother on more than one occasion by coming home drunk while she was babysitting? I can never find any books about adult children abusing their adult parents unless it leads to sexual abuse and in this case no sexual abuse had taken place. However, the emotional, verbal abuse has been going on since he was a small child. The financial abuse started as a teenager and carried over into adulthood. The physical abuse started most recently in the last 5-6 years which I will not tolerate any longer. This has led up to many more problems and we have now been estranged for well over 3 years and I have not seen my granddaughter in over 3 years. He has never been emotionally or verbally abused, nor physically abused. We have been to psychiatrists, he has been on medications, but he swears he's just perfectly fine and the rest of the world is messed up - but DEFINITELY NOT HIM! Has anyone read or heard of any books, articles, etc., support groups, available for adults who have grown children who are totally out of control and have been for quite some time but seems as if there is no hope in sight. Would love to hear some opinions about this.
Eileen, I'd first like to say I have great empathy for you situation. I'm also very glad to hear you cut this off from your life. Smart move. I can assure you he is not well, no matter what he says. My opinion, which is not a diagnosis, is that he is self medicating with alcohol or drugs and he has an underlying mental health illness that is not in balance. His explosive behavior, skewed thinking, thefts, mood swings, etc. 100% point to mental health illness. Sadly, he is an adult, so his health is in his hands. He can only decide to wallow in this or reach out for professional help. I'd reccomend you keep him cut off for as long as he elects to wallow in addiction and illness. As for you the grandchild I do have concerns over her living with someone whose mental state is possibly unsafe for the child. I'm going to urge you to seek out the help of a licensed therapist or licensed clinical social worker. You need support and professional guidance. Your focus on adult children who are out of control is a wasted research effort. Instead look for information on alcoholism, addiction, bipolar, and personality disorders. You should be able to find plenty of information and many of the symptoms of those illnesses match your sons attitudes and actions, when untreated. Please do seek the counsel of a licensed professional for yourself and for guidance when dealling with this issue. I wish you and your family nothing but health and happiness and I will pray for that.
Eileen, I'm sorry you're in this situation. In addition to the good advise Caitybug gave you, you might think of going a bit farther, If there's physical abuse, call 911 and let the cops deal with him. If he's stealing from you, another reason for police involvement. If you can do it, get an order of protection, which will not allow him in your house or near you. Eileen, you seem like a very loving, caring mother, but unfortunately we can't tell what kind of adults our children will turn out to be. He may have medical issues like Caitybug said, but if he won't cooperate with the professionals, you still have to protect yourself from the abuse, before something bad happens. Tough love. I hope you're able to resolve this issue, I know it must be terrible for you. Please accept my sincere wishes and hopes that you can live a normal life. I'll be thinking about you.
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