Originated From

When your adult child hurts you, what do you do?

When your adult child says something hurtful to you, do you remain silent and let it go? But if it bothers you, do you make a point of telling them over the phone? Do you wait for the right time when you are together and tell them that they've been saying some things that are hurtful? It's not that my feelings are hurt, it's that they are reacting because they're stressed, but I don't want to let it escalate to rudeness or disrespect in general.

Liked this question? Tell your friends about it

6 Answers

Order by
Oldest to Newest
Newest to Oldest

u should tell your child immediately about his rudeness. may be its not hurting u but it might lead him towards wrong way or he may behave badly with others as well!

angel is correct. The correct time to respond is immediately. Your child, or whoever, may not even recognize that they have said something that hurt you.


And may I suggest that you phrase your response in the language of "What a hurtful statement" instead of ""You blithering idiot!" Isolate the hurtful remark from the speaker.



Gratitude as a discipline involves a conscious choice.....* Victims of circumstance owe it to fate. Victims of choice owe it to themselves.*One of the widest gaps in human experience is the gap between what we say we want to be and our willingness to discipline ourselves to get there.

I have the same question and agree w/the previous suggestions. I think if you ignore the rudeness, it will only continue.  But it is difficult and hurtful when my 20 year old daughter says hurtful things to me.  And later, after the fact, attempts at a mature conversation to discuss the actions, have gone nowhere.  She shuts down....

I would say that it is important to treat your parent/adult child as you would like to be treated, i.e., follow the "Golden Rule".  Good manners go a long way in every relationship, including with children, parents, siblings and spouses, as well as in the workplace and with friends.  Thus, it is best to state why the behavior is a discredit to your relationship and personal well-being, and how it reflects poorly on the other person.  

If your child says something hurtful, and it bothers you, talking about it is important. As  soon as possible is the best way, and that may mean you have to do it over the phone rather than in person.  I think in person is best.  

If I am really nervous, I might right down a couple of notes to myself, or I might practice saying "when you said ********, my feelings were hurt. And have a talk; listen and respond.  No distractions, such as computer, smart phone, TV.  Havinghis kind of conversation can deepen your relationship with your adult child.

<a href="" rel="nofollow" cl="http://www.sfdivorcecoach.com/" class="comlink">www.sfdivorcecoach.com</a>

Before you even confront your child, ask yourself why is my child saying something hurtful?   Is your child saying something that needs to be said?   How is your relationship with your child?  The biggest thing you should ask yourself is how do you treat your child?  Do you say hurtful things to them as well?  If you still think that what the said was hurtful and that you're not to blame, then approach your child in a non-accusatory tone. 

Related Questions

Other people asked questions on similar topics, check out the answers they received:

Asked: Disrespectful teens

Why oh why! I don't remember being this way to my mom when I was a teen. I see so many disrespectful kids these days, my daughter included from time to time. I try to nip it in the bud when she acts ...

Asked: Children being disciplined

I notice more and more that children are speaking less respectfully to their parents, especially when the parents are trying to discipline them or tell them 'no' about something. I've heard remarks ...

Asked: Why did a random user say, "I hate adults who ...

Why did a random user say, "I hate adults who pretend to be children." ?

Ask a Question... We'll forward it to people who know

More Questions

What happens when one spouse goes to court to ...

Sue, you'll probably have to go to court and present your case. Some settlement will have to be reached or the judge will decide the matter. It's really easier and less expensive to settle the matter without going to court, but you might still have to go to court to have the changes approved. No ...

Help with my child!!!!

Go to your local "welfare" office and ask to be th in-home caretaker for your son. They should send you to an division called something like: "Seniors and People with Disabilities." Good Luck.

What to do with a child that purposely hurts themselves

The idea is that they aren't getting in a word or what they're trying to say/resolve isn't getting resolved or listened to. They're screaming inside and dealing with what they think is right and what they're told is tearing them apart inside. The marks are just a physical example of that and its not ...

More from ParentDish

Children Could Benefit from Medical Research, Study Says

Filed under: In The News , Research Reveals: Babies , Research Reveals: Toddlers & Preschoolers , Research Reveals: Big Kids Credit: Getty Images You...

When New Mom Can't Breast-Feed, Dozens of Women Help Out

Filed under: In The News , Breast-Feeding Credit: Getty Images Eva van Dok Pinkley, a Brooklyn, N.Y., actress and magazine researcher can't breast-feed her...

Stroke Rates Up in Pregnant Women, New Moms, Study Finds

Filed under: In The News , Pregnancy Health , Research Reveals Credit: Getty Images We've asked this before, but don't pregnant women have enough to worry...

His Lordship: Lazy 14-Year-Old Hooligan! Get a Job!

Filed under: In The News Credit: Amazon "Boy for sale!" A member of Britain's House of Lords is beginning to sound like something out of "Oliver Twist."...

Gap Sparkle Backpack

Filed under: Fashion Your kid is sure to sparkle at school with this backpack from Gap. Credit: gap.com It may seem like you're just getting into the swing...
More Powered by