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When your adult child hurts you, what do you do?

When your adult child says something hurtful to you, do you remain silent and let it go? But if it bothers you, do you make a point of telling them over the phone? Do you wait for the right time when you are together and tell them that they've been saying some things that are hurtful? It's not that my feelings are hurt, it's that they are reacting because they're stressed, but I don't want to let it escalate to rudeness or disrespect in general.

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u should tell your child immediately about his rudeness. may be its not hurting u but it might lead him towards wrong way or he may behave badly with others as well!

angel is correct. The correct time to respond is immediately. Your child, or whoever, may not even recognize that they have said something that hurt you.

 

And may I suggest that you phrase your response in the language of "What a hurtful statement" instead of ""You blithering idiot!" Isolate the hurtful remark from the speaker.

 

Jay

Gratitude as a discipline involves a conscious choice.....* Victims of circumstance owe it to fate. Victims of choice owe it to themselves.*One of the widest gaps in human experience is the gap between what we say we want to be and our willingness to discipline ourselves to get there.

I have the same question and agree w/the previous suggestions. I think if you ignore the rudeness, it will only continue.  But it is difficult and hurtful when my 20 year old daughter says hurtful things to me.  And later, after the fact, attempts at a mature conversation to discuss the actions, have gone nowhere.  She shuts down....

I would say that it is important to treat your parent/adult child as you would like to be treated, i.e., follow the "Golden Rule".  Good manners go a long way in every relationship, including with children, parents, siblings and spouses, as well as in the workplace and with friends.  Thus, it is best to state why the behavior is a discredit to your relationship and personal well-being, and how it reflects poorly on the other person.  

If your child says something hurtful, and it bothers you, talking about it is important. As  soon as possible is the best way, and that may mean you have to do it over the phone rather than in person.  I think in person is best.  

If I am really nervous, I might right down a couple of notes to myself, or I might practice saying "when you said ********, my feelings were hurt. And have a talk; listen and respond.  No distractions, such as computer, smart phone, TV.  Havinghis kind of conversation can deepen your relationship with your adult child.

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Before you even confront your child, ask yourself why is my child saying something hurtful?   Is your child saying something that needs to be said?   How is your relationship with your child?  The biggest thing you should ask yourself is how do you treat your child?  Do you say hurtful things to them as well?  If you still think that what the said was hurtful and that you're not to blame, then approach your child in a non-accusatory tone. 

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