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Posted by Dawn 2 years ago In:

8 year old

Dawn Asked:

I have custody of my 8 year old granddaughter. I ...

I have custody of my 8 year old granddaughter. I have had her for 3 years. She is honor roll in school, but she has 2 year old tantrums if she doesn't get her own way. She has been in counseling. Her and I are close, she see's her parents sporatically. Her mother is the emotional abuser, so I try to limit their visits. She also wets the bed, which makes it embarassing for her to go to or have sleep overs. I have talked to her pediatrician about the bed wetting he put her on medication, but it didn't help. My main concern is her melt downs, I talk to her and tell her she looses privliges for her outbursts, and she will calm down for a while, then the baby actions come out again. She has a brother in Texas in the custody of his fathers parents and her mother has had a baby girl 4 months old, and pushes her away when she tries to talk to or play woth her sister. Any advice on another way to stop the melt downs????

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3 Answers

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OronD Answered:

I hope that you are an open person so I can be direct and won't need to sugarcoat my words.
1.  Your granddaughter grew up in very bad conditions.  No
     wonder that it shows..... (sorry !).   Even now she is in a
    bad unhealthy psychological situation (seeng her mother
    having a new baby and does not giving her love / attention
    / affection) and having another brother far away.
2. She needs tons of love and to feel secured.
3. Please be patient with her. Please remember that all her
     "reactions" (e.g: wetting) are a result of what she suffered
      and is undergoing. She needs your endless support and
     understanding.
4. Don't blame her. it is sure not she to be blamed !.
5. In addition (to your endless love. care, attention. affection,
     petience, tolerance, support....) she needs proffesional help
     (a good psychologist).
6. She is a very fragile precious dish and thus "handle her with
     extreme care".   If you don't do it she might break (collaps).
G-d bless you Dawn, you are your granddaughter's angle !.

Posted 2 years ago

Love is the battery of life....

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Anonymous Answer:

Hi Dawn,

Keep in mind that some children just wet their beds. Try not to punish her for it. She will likely grow out of it by the age of 13.

When she is having a meltdown, try not to yell at her.

She may be acting like this to get her way with grandma and has gotten used to this behaviour.

Try to calm her down (tell her to breath slowly), tell her that crying is unacceptable, and have her use words to explain why she is upset. Then instead of saying "No, you can't get your way just because" explain the reason. ie, I don't have money today to buy you this... (I find children are very understanding if you give reason with them) Once she calms down, end the incident with a hug and kiss.

Also, try to anticipate her tantrums. Tell her I can see you are starting to get upset, breath slowly, and to use words.

Posted 2 years ago

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Lynn Answered:

Bed wetting with behavioral problems are big red flags; seek counseling especially by professionals who specialize in behavioral management.

Posted 1 year ago

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