17 year old mother, at wits end

Hi Melissa, If you can find some help that would be ideal.  If there is a Women's Resource type of center near you where you could trade baby sitting chores with another mother or if a neighbor could help watch your children while you study that would be good. If you have relatives willing to give you a day off now and then so you can study.  Any of these things might help.  You are asking way too much of yourself to try to take good care of children this age and still study.  See if there is a church near you and ask the pastor/minister/priest if they have anyone who could help you once or twice a week.  As far as disciplin for those ages, it is truly all hands on attention 24/7.  They are much too young to yell at and all that will do is frighten them.  In order for any disciplin to work for this infant stage, you need to be with them constantly...paying attention to every little move they make.  There is no time for study when raising a young family....without outside help.  Try to find someone who is willing to help and be patient with yourself.  When you feel that it is all too much....ask for help so that your temper does not get the best of you.  The little ones are deserving of a calm and sweet mother and you are deserving of some real help.

Kids don't come with an instruction manual. Believe me, none of us knew what we were doing when we had kids. But I think getting some help would be a good idea. I also think it would be good if you could arrange to take some parenting classes. That way you will be able to learn the basics. You had the kids, and you're standing up and talking the responsibility. But there's no shame in getting help. Kids are a very big deal and very difficult to handle all by yourself.

Seek out help Melissa. You are extremely young to have such a huge responsibility. It may be difficult but possible.

Even finding a job may seem counter productive if the cost of child care makes it seem pointless. What is important is finding time away from the kids and being in an adult setting with adult communication.

  Be sure to take the extra time to find good child care for your babies.

Discipline... patience! Most important is to be consistent. What wasn't ok to do yesterday still isn't ok today. Stay calm and matter of fact. " loosing it" only encourages a child to loose control. Even if it is the tenth time youv'e told them "we don't throw sand." Say it in the same controlled manner and remove the child if necessary. Redirect.

  Sometimes we need to step back and ask ourselves if their actions have any real consequence's? Does this really matter?" Will it matter tomorrow?

Avoid power struggles. Always treat with with respect .

Be sure to spend quality time with the kids. Other wise they may act out simply to gain attention. Children are soon to realize that any attention is better than no attention at all.

  Be sure to compliment the kids on their good behavior no matter how small. Such as " Oh I really like how you put your cup down ever so carefully" or give encouragement. Example " I'll bet you know just wear to put that dirty sock"  Even make a game of it. " Does it go under the bed? Nooo... on your head!?"

Before long they will enjoy helping, behaving and hearing how happy you are with them

   In the very least, find a book on how to raise a confident child. Or on effective discipline. Even an outline of the stages most children experience at each age. Which often helps to understand why a child may be behaving in a certain manner.

   Always know that one day even the worst of days will become laughable, memorable and most missed.

  Good luck.

Melissa, from what I am reading, the problem is you are on overload, trying to care for two very young children, and be a 17 year old who seems to want to finish school. The behavior you are describing is not unusual for toddlers. Their fine and gross motor systems are developing, and they need to be able to explore in a safe environment. On the other hand, you are only 17 years of age. I think you already know this job is too big for you at this particular moment in time. To tell you how to discipline a baby is not going to be helpful because they are just doing what comes naturally to babies. But I do realize this is too much for you to carry on your own. Even adult parents need help and a break now and then. If you are trying to put your life on track, you will certainly need help! Do you live with your family, and have a mom and dad who are supportive? If not, there are other resources I can suggest. 

Keep in touch.

Hi there Melissa, well, you sure venting your frustration in the right direction.Well done.it is so easy sometimes when you are feeling pushed to the edge, to lash out at the children.You have chosen to ask for help and I hope you get some good help here .Knowing others have walked the path before you(and survived)can be the battle half over.Taking stress out of a situation is sometimes difficult but necesary. Choose your battles.There are going to be a lot of them with two so close and you cant afford to lose them.Be prepared to give up on some smaller items  so you teach the kids to accept some rules. Do they sleep and give you a break/if you can maintain the sleep time it is worth gold.Try hard to do this. Always think about where you are steering them next.That's right you are steering them, they are not driving you!If you don't keep them in a certain direction they will choose thier own. Be the guide.Trust in yourself , you may not think yu have the skills but what you lack in experience you more than make up for in determination.keep going girl. Remmber too, sometimes a lifeline or phone a friend is a life saving half hour.!

Treat your babies the way you would want to have been treated as a baby. What would've made YOU smile? What did you love watching your mom do? You're a teen parent and a student. You COULD homeschool the rest of your credits through the American School of Correspondence and do things at the speed that's comfortable for you and allow you to enjoy these ages. The age they still smile at you when you smile at them.:) You're their hero! They don't want anything more than you and they'll get you if they can help it! When you're ready to scream, stop that moment and switch gears. "Okay guys, BATHTIME!" And turn a strenuous situation into a cute, fun, enjoyable time for the three of you. Discipline actually means, "to teach." If they do something unpleasing, get in position to look into their eyes and say simple things like, "You cannot do that. No." But you're not done. At this age it's distraction, distraction, distraction. Get away from the problem situation and create a good one with new objects in a new area. Dim lights, put in jammies, get them some cheerios and put in a movie they LOVE for study time. Make good memories for you and your babies, it gets easier.

I also think it would be a very good idea if you could arrange at least one day or night a week for someone you trust to take care of the babies so that you can get a well deserved rest and some time away from the stress. As much as we all love our children, raising them is HARD work, and a little time off is really important. You can't sacrifice your life for them, you have to take care of yourself too. The better shape you're in, the happier you are, the better children you will raise.

Everyone has given you very good advice here... I would like to add one thing:  The hardest thing for me to remember as a new mom (I was forty, and it was still overwhelming) was that kids have a learning curve - that is to say, I had to learn that it might take a month, six months, or a year of repeated constructive teaching and discipline for very littles to learn what I wanted them to do.  It really is, in some ways, like training a puppy lol.  I was used to giving orders to staff and having discipline be effective first time out.  I had to re-wire myself for toddler-brain.  It was hard, hard, hard, and it took me a little while to "get it".  By all means, find a church group or town center who can help you to find baby sitting and other services you can trust.  And then take a deep breath and try to find patience for how long the process is going to be.