simon

I am using a Public library computer, so I can only answer upon availability.

I was born with a brain injury from prenatal alcohol exposure.

For far too many years I thought most of my psych and emotional problems were related to being sexually abused from the ages of four to seven from my uncle whenever I visited my cousins during school holidays. I was also psychologically abused for thirty years by my step-mother. I now know these were magnified by the primary problem from the effects of being prenatally exposed to alcohol, tobacco and prescription drugs.

I went as far as Year Ten in high School and educated myself on a range of subjects when I reached my thirties.

I kicked a marijuana habit after eighteen years and have never looked back. It's bad enough feeling and looking as if I'm just a little drunk all the time and the drugs just made that all the more harder to deal with.

It has taken years of honest introspection to fully accept the affect of my mothers' drinking whilst she was pregnant with me. Mum died a few years ago and at that time I didn't know what was wrong so I wasn't in a position to ask her. She didn't like talking about her alcoholism anyway. Fair enough. I dont blame her for what has happened. She had her problems and drinking was how she handled it. Back in the 50's and 60's health professionals were under the impression that the placenta filtered out nasties. How wrong they were.

Practically every structure of my brain has been affected to some degree as the consumption of teratogens was consistent throughout the pregnancy. Possibly the worst being my spoken language skills. And the most difficult to deal with is the emotional aspect. Not an easy thing to accept being a man. I realise that sounds a bit weak, but...

That said I consider myself lucky. Although every day is a struggle I was fortunate enough not to have the facial deformities that some poor souls have to live with. Nevertheless it is the unseen aspect to this disorder which makes it all the more harder to explain to people when the mind switches off in mid-conversation. Needless to say I do not have any friends and my family has abandoned me years ago.

I am now 42 and writing my autobiography to create awareness about invisible disabilities and other infrequently discussed socially taboo topics. I have always had the desire to write but life always got in the way. There are a couple of other aspects to myself which I find uncomfortable living with or should I say others find uncomfortable talking about.

Our genes are our own which is rather ironic given they come form our parents and our mixed family lineage. Had I had a choice in this matter I would have chosen differently in this time, but I guess from a philosophical standpoint my time here could be spent sharing my story and adding to the rich  tapestry of life.

Thoughtful, wisdom, searching, questioning, wondering.